"Imagine a world without people in the LGBTQIA+ community. How boring." - Dominique Jackson (may be better known as Miss Elektra of the House of Wintour)
Hey guys! Happy New Year to you and yours from me and mine. If one good thing came out of 2020, it was that the sparking of the multiple different movements made me really consider what our world could be if we all woke up in the morning, wanting to make a difference. It enhanced my passion for achieving equality and made me want to be a bigger part of it.
So I mean, the new year means resolutions, right? Apart from from the annual eat healthier, do more exercise and be more organised empty promises, I have a few goals for this year of my own. The first being, I want to continue with this fight. I actually never want to stop fighting for basic human rights for however long I exist for. I want to continue to pour my heart into this. And maybe not as soon as this year, because nothing worth waiting for ever comes to you overnight, but eventually maybe we'll start seeing the fruits of our labour. But we absolutely have to keep our feet on the gas. The next one being, I'd really love for Everything No One Wants to Talk About to grow as a website. I'd like this blog to reach the computer screen of someone who maybe needs a little more convincing that, actually as much as we've progressed, we're not living in the perfect equal society that the media tries to portray. Another item on the to-do this is work on a new little project my friends and I decided to start on January 1st.
This is our new insta page. Our main goal is to spread a little positivity on your feed, whilst giving people a starting point in their hopes of educating themselves on all the big issues. I'm so so excited I get to do this with my friends. I just know it's going to be a whole JOURNEY. I mean, if you want to. If you find that, I don't know, you maybe have an interest in fighting for equality, you could if you wanted to follow us at @our.not.so.secret.diary. No pressure. I mean, a little bit of pressure. Nah, I'm just joking.
I really feel like last year was a year of personal growth for myself and so many others. It was a year of growth for the movements that want equal rights for equality. So let's not stop now. Being a good ally in any movement goes way beyond social media and there comes a point where we have to move away from social media and into places of authority to put the pressure onto those in so-called power. I can't wait to see the things our generation achieves this year and those to come. I'm excited to see what we're going to make of this world. Together, I think we'll do great things. This year's going to be better than next. Speak it into existence.
So one day in the depths of lockdown boredom, my Mum and I stumbled across the fierce, fearless, extravagant and very wholesome Netflix series that is 'Pose'. Now, Pose is special foe a number of reasons. The most important one being, the case includes the largest number of transgender actors in a single series ever. It's the type of representation we LOVE AND LIVE to see. And let me tell you about how these girls can WALK. In one single episode, there's a thousand lessons to be learnt about the hardships faced by the LGBTQ+ community and about life itself. It teaches the meaning of family and the importance of friendship. It screams if you don't love yourself, then no one's going to do it for you. It reminds us that anything is possible, if we want and work for it hard enough. It gives us a glimpse into a history we will never ever learn about in a history classroom. It dismisses an ancient ideology that trans men and women are anything other than people with real life problems and experiences, and that they are not anything less than our equals. It finally addresses the stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS. Above all else, it opens a gateway for the most disrespected and poorly treated members of society, and finally gives them the praise and recognition they deserve. With all that in mind, here I am one day scrolling through Indya Moore's insta because I'm lowkey (but highkey) obsessed with them and their beauty and I think to myself 'girl, what are you doing right now to help their community?'. I was kind of in two minds about weather I should make a post about this or not. I wasn't sure it was my place. I didn't want to be overstepping any marks. In all honesty, I didn't think I was educated enough. So do you know what I went and did? I spent days reading about what it takes to be a good trans ally and the different experiences faced by different individuals within the community, and sir you're damn right I EDUCATED MYSELF. Not knowing about something is not a good enough excuse to avoid a conversation about human rights in 2021. Especially when said conversation is centred around what we can do to ensure those human rights are extended to every individual in society. I'm writing this post for you guys today, purely as a starting point. Whether you choose to go and do further reading or watching or listening or whatever else is totally up to you, and I guess too, it depends how much you take from this. I told myself that I had to talk about this, and I had to educate myself on it because when you have knowledge, you have the power to do something useful with it. To help those who need the help the most.
Before we get into it, I just want to make it known that I know my limits as an ally. I'll be the first to admit that I don't know everything, and I will never fully appreciate the hardships of the transgender community. I'm not trying to. I just want those who this does directly affect, to know that I see them and I hear them and I will do whatever I can to help them in their fight against discrimination, injustice and harassment. I want to be corrected and schooled and to have conversations about this. So I don't know, if there's a chance that maybe somebody's reading and you feel like you want to bash me over the head with a book. Then baby, you go to the contact section of this website and you do whatever you have to do.
You know that heartbreaking episode when Candy dies after a brutal attack. Man, it had me BALLING. I was weak. It felt so raw and real and it highlighted the reality of it all. What was really touching about this episode for me was, unlike a lot of other on-screen black deaths, it was treated with the respect and dignity and tenderness black death deserves. No controversy. No outrage or rioting. No distasteful comments or opinions from the outside. Just focused on celebrating the life of a person who was family and a friend to her peers. Fictional or non-fictional, that concept just seemed to hit different for me. And so here I am, ugly crying in my room to Netflix:
Cute, right?
During the episode, Angel says something about how it was only May and 11 girls had turned up dead. So, I couldn't help but to put that in today's world setting. Now bearing in mind, this is a show set in the 90s. I thought, out of those 11 girls, how many would've received the justice that every single human being on this planet would deserve to receive? I mean, the world has progressed a lot since the 90s right? So, in theory, all 11 should receive full justice along with a respectful and dignifying trial. Actually, no. Even better than that. These transphobic fuelled attacks shouldn't be happening at all, yes? Surprise, surprise. Wrong we would be to think this. In fact, in my reading, I found an article stating how transphobic hate crimes had quadrupled in the last five years. Quadrupled. Five years. Now, I struggled to leave school with maths, but something I know that something ain't adding up there. Because all we're fed in the media and within the government and wherever else, is how much we're moving forward and how society is becoming increasingly safe for all its members. We're never told about things like this. We're never told about the ways in which the world is moving backwards. But of course, we wouldn't be. It doesn't fit in with their narrative. I'm angry. I'm in genuine disbelief. One more time for the people in the back. Quadrupled in the last five years. Can I ask, what is it about the ongoings in the lives of other people that upsets the world so much? Who gets up in the morning and plans to attack (physically or mentally) an innocent person minding their business, doing whatever they have to do in life to be happy, as they should, and for what? I'll tell you what for. Because they are so weak, unhappy and insecure in their own lives that they have to reflect that onto someone else because it physically pains them to see anyone else happy, and living true to themselves. These are the people society needs to fear. The crimes committed against them, are not a reflection of our peers in the transgender community. They don't define the community. What is defining, is the resilience and fight I see them display. The ability to truly be them, even in the face of diversity. The sense of love, family and belonging. Those are all defining factors we need to shine light on.
What angered me so much about this statistic was, okay, so I now know transphobic hate crimes are increasing but whenever in the news are they reported? Why aren't we all talking about this? What's up with that? Do the media really not believe that attention should be drawn to this, so us as their fellow members of society can maybe help do something about it? Are they not worthy of that much? I'm going to state couple names. You tell me if they mean anything to you.
Bella Pugh
Nothing? That's because the main stream media failed to report their death.
Bella Pugh was at a Christmas party on the 23rd of December last year, when they were shot for wearing a rainbow jumpsuit. 19 years old. It took the other party goers 20 minutes to call the authorities. Some did nothing. Some recorded it. They were killed for wearing a rainbow jumpsuit but their death isn't being investigated as a hate crime. I can't make it make sense. We will only ever know them as being gone. 19 years old. That's barely enough time to prove to the world what you can be. Bella deserved better.
What about Riah Milton?
She was a 25-year-old woman who had been murdered in Ohio on the 9th of June. A student. Someone's daughter, sister and aunt. She was 14th member of the transgender community to be killed in the U.S in 2020. It makes me sad that that's all we'll ever know her to be. We'll never know her dreams or aspirations or what she could've been. We need to start speaking up. Don't wait until we lose another transgender or non-binary person. We need to do it now.
Mourn for the beautiful souls we've lost and feel sad, but always keep in mind that the Trans community doesn't need our sympathy. They need us to be ready to listen. They need us to be ready to tend to their wounds after fighting another battle. They need us to genuinely care. Enough with this half-hearted shit. Be all in. Be present. Be ready to call out inequality of any kind when you see it. They need that from us, and they deserve that much.
We can choose to be either one of two allies. The ones who want to uplift the community in question. Or you can be the the ally who's only an ally when it suits them. The Instagram activist. No shade. Unless, of course, you feel like the shoe fits. Then I mean, sis. Don't try project, that's not on me hehe. Should you choose option A. The ally that really wants to drive change because you truly believe a win for every minority community, is a win for the human race. In that case, from what I could gather, here's how trans men and women believe we can help uplift them:
Avoid the use of Transphobic Phrases - I mean, no one should be surprised by this one. It's common knowledge by know that we should avoid the use of degrading language. It's never just a word. Words are used for communication and expression. They hold meaning and allow understanding. If you truly believe it's just a word, then let me ask sir. Why the wholeass breakdown when you're corrected and asked not to use it?
Don't make assumptions about sexual orientation - Gender identity is distinct from sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is about who you're attracted to. Gender identity is about who you are. Your personal sense of how much you identify with a gender. There is no correlation between the two, so don't go jumping to conclusions about who someone is attracted to.
PRONOUNS, PRONOUNS, PRONOUNS - Let's normalise integrating our pronouns into introductions. It let's people know that you're a safe place and you're not going to assume their gender. It's inclusive and healthy and safe. It makes for a better world for everyone. It's so so important to use someone's preferred pronouns. You want people to feel comfortable and you know, just like they can talk to you, right?
Don't ask ignorant questions - Don't make anyone feel invalid or like their existence means nothing to you by asking questions like 'what's your real name?'. Take a person as they present themselves to you. That's the real them. Don't put anyone in the firing line of discrimination by asking intrusive questions that make people feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. There's a fine line between asking a question for educational purposes and just being ignorant.
I hope knowing what I know now, I can be a better ally to the trans community. I hope that this makes you want to do the same. I hope that this year, we can all admit that change needs to happen and that we all decide to play a part in doing whatever needs to be done to push it forward. Going forward, I think it's important to remember we can't just be around for all the positive things the LGBTQ+ community has to offer. We have to make sure their full experience is safe and protected, and help them fight against the people who are responsible for exposing them to unsafe and unprotected environments. I'll leave some helpful resources below so y'all can maybe look at how you can get more involved, if you want to.
I hope this year is good to each and every one of you
Tyra x
Useful Resources
Instagrams:
@indyamoore
@tanyacompas
@munroebergdorf
Articles to read:
Here's what a good LGBTQ ally looks like:
The Gender Recognition Act and trans rights:
Tips for Allies of Transgender People:
Places to Donate:
- Marsha P. Johnson Institute
- The Orka Project
- For the Gworls